Ray Kinsella didn’t know what the mysterious whisper meant when he was told to “Go the Distance,” in the movie Field of Dreams. He was willing to obey the call, but what was the call? Towards which direction? To what end?
Of course, we know the end of his fictional story. Every time the whisper gave him a task, it was a means towards a greater end. Which did finally justify what seemed to be the neverending list of ridiculous decisions.
For me, the call felt the same. Short on details, but long on clarity.
Four years ago, I sat down with a trusted friend to share my heart. This friend has faithfully served in ministry for a long time. He not only would know firsthand what a call to serve felt and sounded like, but I also knew that he had shepherded others as they navigated God’s prompting voice as well.
I told him that day God was calling me into ministry.
I thought I would need to know what God’s specific call would be. Was I saying that God was calling me to pastor a church, to teach, to lead and support, to plant churches, to go into the mission field, or something else? Would I be enrolling in seminary now, later, or never? Would I keep working or to go full-time into ministry? Would I keep my family here or move away?
My friend didn’t launch into that flurry of the questions that I knew I didn’t yet have answers to. His response was, “Well, I’ve never had someone tell me they were called into ministry that didn’t end up in ministry.”
I remember hoping at the time for him to provide more direction. What to do next. I wanted to know what to do next.
But, isn’t it usually that way when God calls us?
It just seems to me like it would be easier if God were to lay out what the end result is going to look like. And not the end result necessarily, but at least how this chapter is going to go. For the record, I’ve told Him it would be easier.
But when man makes the plans. . . .God laughs.
He knows that my way is usually fraught with errors and missteps. He’s seen it too many times to think any differently. (And, you know, there’s omniscience to consider.)
Over the past four years, while I have been praying for God to sharpen up the view, I have made it known to some others that being involved in ministry when I was able to retire from education might be something I would lean towards. But it stops short of being fully transparent when framed it that way. See, it isn’t figuring out a second career or financial plan. It is a comand from God.
Last Saturday in my prayer time, I heard God once again. This time, telling me to go a little farther. It was time to tell everyone.
I argued with God. Not angrily, mind you, but from a thought of reason and sensibility.
But my logic and God’s sovereign plan aren’t even closely related. He doesn’t need me to know the end, just that I’m willing to follow the Voice. And over the course of the past few years, I’ve thought of some really great reasons to just keep things to myself and pray that God would do a great work in me without any buy-in from me.
See if any of these things that have run through my mind to keep me on the sidelines of God’s plan line up with why you haven’t said “yes” to God’s calling (of any shape, size, or form) in your own life:
– This can’t be what God is calling me to.
– There are people that don’t like me. They will be ready to drag my name through the mud.
– Once my life is not as busy, I will serve. Just not yet.
– When I get better at __________, then I will. (insert things like “prayer”, “reading my Bible”, “quiet time”, “serving more.”
– I simply am not good enough.
And these just scratch the surface of what I’ve not only told myself, but truly believed about the reality of being called to serve.
So, when I heard God saying “tell everyone,” I agreed to think about it and I’d let Him know. You know, a spiritual, “My people will call Your people,” to the King of the Universe. Or a, “Let’s put a pin in that one, Lord.”
But, I will tell you this (***Alert – pay attention to this next part. Read it more than once if needed.***)
When the Lord of the Universe truly moves into a position as THE Lord of your life, His directives become unignorable.
When the Lord of the Universe truly moves into a position as THE Lord of your life, His directives become unignorable.
My putting God off lasted less than 24 hours. I woke up Sunday morning with a grabbing feeling in my spirit. I sat down in the service and told Jaclyn to pray that I would be obedient to what God was calling me to do or know for sure that He wasn’t calling me just yet.
That one lasted less than five minutes.
I looked at the title of the sermon our pastor was about to deliver. “Answer the Call.”
We read the passage of scripture describing Terah (father of Abraham). He set out to do the thing, but didn’t finish the thing. He’s now an afterthought in Scripture while Abraham is, well. . . Abraham!
I became emotional during the prayer 30 seconds later (before the sermon even started) because I inserted my name into every charge prior to the “amen.”
Seventeen hours later, when the sermon was over (sorry, Bro. Josh, it wasn’t actually that long. . .it just feels that way when you just have to do what God says to do), I made God’s call on my life public. Someone told me later that day that Sunday’s sermon must have been meant just for me. I will have to disagree, because I don’t remember a doggone word that was said between that first amen and the one that let me head to the altar.
And you know what, even standing there publicly saying “yes” to wherever the Lord wants to take me, I was reminded that the enemy isn’t ever finished. I just knew that someone there was thinking how I was unworthy to serve the Lord with my life. I worried that no one would think I could ever be good enough to flesh out this next chapter of my life as a servant in ministry.
And then I remembered something: they’re right.
My righteousness is like a pile of nasty, filthy, need-setting-on-fire rags. (Isaiah 64:6)
Move over Apostle Paul, a new Chief of Sinners has arrived. (1 Timothy 1:15)
And I constantly don’t do what I would like to do, but instead do the very thing I hate! (Romans 7:15)
In short, I am unworthy.
But, I also know that God takes great delight in me. . . in spite of me. (Zephaniah 3:17)
We don’t get to see the ending of our story. That wouldn’t require any of the faith that God wants from us.
So, I don’t know what’s next. But, my prayer is that I am like the prophet Isaiah described as, “my ear awakened to hear as a disciple” (Isaiah 50:4).
All the while assuring the rest of the world that I am actually decidedly more unworthy than you already think I am.
And leaning into the quote from 18th century missionary C.T. Studd that says, “only one life, ’twill soon be past, only what’s done for Christ will last.“
But grace.
But God.
Show me what’s next, Oh Lord. I’m ready.
