Another week goes by with more of the “no news” as far as the adoption goes. We did put our profile in on another situation that, at current time, we have yet to hear from. This birth mother had a couple of criteria that we did not meet, but we put it in anyway and will let God handle the details. (She preferred a childless couple over a family.) So, we expect to hear today or tomorrow about that one, and then will wait to see what comes next down the pike.
On Friday, we received an email that there were eight situations in Florida that had been given to our agency through an attorney. Totally unrelated to one another, we would be able to look at some precursory details and make a decision whether or not to, again, throw our name in the hat to be considered for one or more of them. We looked and decided that two fit within what we have decided are our criteria and passed that information along to our caseworker.
I need to reiterate the point that we are prepared for the financial hurdles that this process is going to throw at us. Maybe not physically prepared in the way of we have the money right now, but spiritually and mentally we know that this is something to have faith in God for. Without being overly specific, we have been preparing for the costs, but noticed quickly that most of the total fees for the cases on this particular list far exceeded our expectations, even triple in once case. But, we decided to at least look over information and be prayerful and willing to follow where God was leading us.
We received a more detailed informational packet on the first birth mother on Saturday morning from the agency for our perusal, to let them know if we wanted to pursue it further or move to the other one on our list. When I looked at it, one set of information, to be honest. . . just bothered me, bothered us.
From our understanding, there will sometimes be fees included in the cost(s) of the adoption to cover some of the birth mother’s expenses. Mostly medical or self-care expenses to make sure that both she and the baby are being taken care of. We have also been advised that, on isolated incidents, these may include requests to pay for utility bills for a month, or something of the like. But, for this particular situation, the adoptive parents are basically being required to pay for this young lady to live for the next six months. Six months worth of rent (plus first and last month’s rent/security deposit), six months worth of cell phone bills, money to buy a new cell phone, monthly allowances for groceries, toiletries, clothing, and utilities. Then, an additional six weeks of the same fees and allowances to cover her post-partum. The total equaled a little over what someone making minimum wage would make in a year plus one week, working 40-hour days. That was only part of the total fees, which then included medical expenses, some other reasonable requests, and attorney fees.
I found myself at a mental crossroads, so to speak. On one hand, I want to be faithful to whatever God calls us to do, regardless of the details. On that same hand, we also aren’t going to make decisions based on the money involved, whether that means a loan that lasts as long as the child that will live in our house or not. On the other hand, I have a hard time imagining a mother profiting financially just for being pregnant. There are other details of this particular situation that I won’t divulge that only fueled my thoughts on that.
My crossroads led me to the realization that this is the society that we currently live in. Bro. Greg’s sermon yesterday mentioned the lack of gratitude in the younger generations. I attribute that partially to the parenting they have received/are receiving, but attribute another small section to the society we have created. My grandparents lived through both the Great Depression and World War II. During the war, soldiers were not the only ones who made physical sacrifices. Products once made from brass were changed to aluminum or other softer metals so that more ammunition could be produced. Families were asked to ration food and only receive enough per week to feed their own family. Wives and mothers went to work on the assembly lines in place of their husbands and sons, both to hold their place of employment and to provide for their families. A couple of years ago, we moved my grandmother into a nursing home, where she passed away a short time later. In cleaning out her small, 1100-square foot house, my dad and his brothers found what it looks like to have a mindset of sacrifice and self-preservation. Boxes full of grocery sacks (paper and plastic), bins of bread ties, and stacks of newspapers lined closets and cabinets that she had saved for decades. She had gone through a time when things were scarce, and lived a full life of not having a whole lot in the first place. These were her “just in case” remnants of living with those thought processes.
The difference in today’s generations and my grandmother is whom they rely on. She relied on herself and my grandfather to provide what they needed through hard work. She sat in her chair and with a less than 8thgrade education read her Bible to ask for guidance. Today’s society refuses to work for minimum wage and instead uses the government for help for everything from rent to clothing to cell phones. I’m not against helping my fellow man, because I could be next to be out of a job and in an undesirable financial situation. But, I would find a job that paid something in the meantime, to make sure that I was taking care of me and mine. This is where I differ from this young Florida expectant mother.
Maybe my view on this offends some, or is skewed in some way. I struggle with knowing what the right way to think or feel is, to be completely honest. Please pray that we would have discernment in both following God’s call but using wisdom at the same time.
We still rest in the knowledge that God already knows who and where our child is. We still can’t wait to meet him/her.