In less than three months, we hope to be holding a little baby boy. That’s no big secret. October the 11th, by some measures, seems like it is almost here – eleven weeks from last Saturday shouldn’t take too long. On the other hand, eleven weeks is shorter than the summer break we’ve almost completed. And, since it feels like forever since graduation night at the stadium, I can’t imagine how long it’s going to take us to get to October.
So, what would we do if we had the controls? Speed things up, no doubt. Hurry up and get to the due date, get me on a plane to Phoenix, and then on another one back to Tennessee with the newest Scott addition. But, I already know that I don’t have the controls. If I did, we would likely already be changing diapers from our last match and know nothing about this mother or her situation. And while, deep inside, I know that God’s plan is perfect and years from now I won’t be able to imagine any child besides the one that we have. . . I still felt at the time like I could’ve worked things out a little better than the Man upstairs did.
Which takes me to my point for today’s blog. Obviously, this whole situation is being orchestrated by God. I’ll spare you a 10-page blog, but just read waaaay back to see how He even got us started in the first place. And, since this is unfamiliar territory to both of us, we have been forced to completely trust Him with all of the details. Which poses the question – then why is that so hard on a daily basis?
Looking from where I currently stand forward, I have some pretty great ideas about my future – personally, professionally, and even in my family’s life. I just need to figure out how to accomplish some of those things, or wait until they come to pass. No problem. But, I’ve had those before. I wish that when my career in education began fourteen years ago I had written down the goals and plans I had at the time and compare them to how things have played out. I’m pretty sure none of them had me pegged as an assistant principal, or not coaching baseball, and (if I recall correctly) they specifically didn’t have me in my hometown where “everybody knows your name.” But yet, here I am – five years removed from a baseball field, and am about to start my fifth year back in Milan.
Where is this ramble headed? To right now. I don’t know about you, but my plans and God’s plans don’t always line up. But the most frustrating part is that He isn’t always so forthcoming about what His plans are. So, He lets me get worked up or excited about things that I think should happen in my life, only to watch them not happen while His plan plays out instead. It’s not that I am unwilling to follow His plan, or even begrudge it – I would just like a little heads up every once in a while.
But, here’s a news flash for me (and maybe you): it’s not about me. God didn’t start thousands of years ago in the garden of Eden and build from there only to get to Greg Scott and my desires and ambitions. And He certainly doesn’t need my help accomplishing His purpose. But here’s another news flash: He does desire my help. Plus, when He gets my cooperation, His plan playing out brings so much more joy and fulfillment to my life than when I accomplish something that I set out for myself to do. So that I then feel even more shame for being selfish in the first place for even making plans.
Let’s see if I can clear that mud up a little. When I came to Humboldt as a young guy with lots of energy and plenty of ego to go along with it, my goals were pretty shallow and really could’ve been accomplished by anyone with the same combination. In a school that had never treated baseball as if it were a program, not just a seasonal team, we caught the perfect storm. I was blessed to have class after class of great kids, regardless of talent, that came out and worked hard and put up with my physical and verbal abuse every day. In the end, we won a bunch of games at a place that never really had before. Mission accomplished. And the ride was fun. It was fun to watch those young men improve, compete, and reach the goals they had set for themselves. At the time, I thought it was very fulfilling to have a part in it. But, those plans were orchestrated by me. Fast forward to today, where I have never felt more stretched, more tested, and more out of my comfort zone than during this entire process of adoption. Yet, I have never felt closer to God than in the times during the process that we are really stretched; really asked to do things that a good college education, strong family upbringing, and just good common sense caution us against. The end result has always brought an unbelievable measure of satisfaction and rejoicing – making things that I have “accomplished” before pale in comparison.
In the past several weeks, my selfish side has gotten in my own way and it has allowed negativity, bitterness, and even questioning of myself to replace the joy that the Creator has intended for me to have. I am thankful of the reminder over the past few days that it is truly not about what I think I want – those things change and pass quickly. What “it” is about is what God wants. What His purpose is. Even in the mundane, God’s purpose is that we can show His love to someone else, to be joyful, to be a light in the darkness.
We also found out this week that our criminal baby-mama is no longer seeing her parole officer. Has she been released from those responsibilities? No. In fact, she has yet another warrant out for her arrest and would immediately be taken into custody, so she is staying (as our agency put it) “under the radar.” To be more confusing, she is actually still meeting with her case worker at the agency. When I questioned that, I was told that her legal issues are not their concern and they are not obligated to be stool pigeons (my phrase, not theirs). She has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow (Monday) that she intends to keep because the doctor also will not rat her out. So, there you go.
So, I am asking for your prayers this time in multiple areas. One, that I personally continue to commit to joy. In relationships, in tasks, in just whatever is laid out in front of me. Second, that Jennifer does indeed see the doctor and continue to maintain medical care during the pregnancy. Thirdly, that whatever is best for our baby plays out – be that incarceration for Jennifer or not. And finally, that we continue to seek what God has planned for us, not finding a way to carry out what we have planned for ourselves and call it God’s in retrospect.
“Rejoice always; pray constantly; give thanks in everything, this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” – I Thessalonians 5:16-18
*In a side note, we are in revival at FBC-Humboldt through this Wednesday and would love to have you there. 7:00 each night*