So, yes it’s been a little bit since I “updated,” but using the word as a definition for the blog, you really haven’t missed anything. We have a few things that are different, and we were starting to get questions again, so I knew it was time. In reality, Jennifer had a scheduled doctor’s appointment for August 12th, so I wanted to wait until we heard from that in case there was something that deserved reporting.
I was too lazy myself to go back and see exactly what I have and haven’t put, detail-wise, in recent blogs, so today’s Public Service Announcement is that some of what you are about to read may or may not be repeated information. Just so you are fairly warned.
For starters, our case worker in Arizona, beginning with the first contact at the end of January, has been Kelly. She presented cases to us in January and February, helped us match the first time in March, and was our only source of information (both good and bad. . .mostly not good) through the first match. She continued with presenting more cases to us after the adoption officially fell apart in early May, and helped us match with Jennifer in late June. Three weeks ago, Kelly called to say that she was going to be a full-time stay-at-home (lots of hyphens) mom and that our new case worker would be Myriah. So, while we weren’t thrilled with the customer service that Kelly provided (understatement alert!), she was at least familiar and would answer texts and emails within a day or so. Someone new is just that – new and an unknown. Great. More change.
I talked on the phone today to Myriah for the first time (we have exchanged emails in the past couple of weeks). Updating us on Jennifer’s lab work last week (still waiting on those results), doctor’s appointment on Tuesday (nothing to report), and some preparation for details to come in the next few weeks (nothing unexpected), it was still good to hear “something.” Even if that something really didn’t do anything.
In the middle of the nothings though, Myriah was very candid (a stark and welcome contrast) about some potentially serious things when it comes to Jennifer and the baby. Because Jennifer is now a fugitive from justice (dramatic way of saying there’s a warrant out for her arrest), she is no longer meeting with her parole officer and is very hesitant about medical checkups as well. Disappointing enough, but the bigger deal to us is that there now exists the possibility of her being either in the presence of or directly involved with drug use. Again appreciating Myriah’s openness, if blood work during time of delivery shows use of narcotics in Jennifer’s system, then the baby would immediately be placed in neonatal intensive care (nICU) for observation to determine what, if any, affect they had on him. This would be true even if there is nothing wrong with him, and would be for an undetermined amount of time. So there.
There are a lot of reasons that I am ready for October 11th to come quickly, the biggest being I can’t wait to meet my new son! But, I think I’m just ready to get off the roller coaster. I know that other adoptive parents out there go through not only the same level of frustrations, change, and uncertainty that we have, but also much, much more. But, since the first moments that God began calling me (and us) into this journey, it’s been one curve ball after another.
More so, it’s been one reminder after another that God is truly in control, regardless of when we try to be. Want to stop at three kids? He has different plans. Want to bring a baby home in April? Not yet. I am just to the point of, “OK, God, why don’t you just do it all?” We have been cautiously selective when going over profiles of birth mothers. Uncomfortable levels of drug use, frequent use of alcohol or even cigarettes, or rocky mental health histories we have shied away from, based on our own level(s) of comfort and the desire to just have a “normal,” healthy baby. So God shows us again that he doesn’t need our help providing us with the right baby – He can handle the details.
It’s no doubt that God wants to use the little baby that invades our lives for His glory. I can’t wait to watch that unfold over the years. But, He wants all the glory. He didn’t script this so that Greg and Jaclyn could get pats on the back, and we didn’t dive in for that reason either. Here’s another parallel: It is really, really easy to get sucked in to what everyone else is doing with their kid(s), especially if it feels like they are going faster or surpassing what your own kids are doing. If every other 9-year old is jumping on a travel baseball/soccer/softball/whatever team, regardless of what’s best for your family, your faith, or your finances, it just feels like your own 3rd grader is missing out or falling behind if you don’t do the same. Or, if everyone else in the pre-K program is moving their child to a private school next year, despite what may work in the best interest of your family, you think that you aren’t doing the best for your child by doing otherwise. In either situation, you are saying that you only trust God so far to provide the best educational preparation for your child or that He needs your help if He chooses to use your child as an athlete for His glory. (By the way, I’m not knocking private school education nor travel teams with the preceding paragraph. So delete the nasty email. . .) But, when we stop thinking with our Earthly brains, and start making decisions prayerfully and under His guidance, we live with the results much easier.
That’s basically where we are and, spiritually, we are in a much better place through the shaping we have encountered in this process. While I wouldn’t have scripted the heartbreak back in April for myself and Jaclyn, nor would I have put us in this financial position intentionally, I feel more now in August than I ever did in April that my God is in control and that’s fine by me. And for someone who likes to be in control, that’s big.
So for now, your prayers can continue to focus on Jennifer’s health, her personal decisions that affect the health of our son, and that any details with the process of adoption begin to work themselves out already. We are so excited to give glory to the One True King who has authored this awesome story.
“May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable to You, Lord, my rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14
**By the way, I just looked AFTER posting this. Today is the exact date, one-year anniversary of my first blog announcing to the world the embarking on this journey. Thirty-eight blogs later, we still wait, but with much more focused and hopeful hearts. Thank you Lord for the past year!**