Well, it has been two weeks tomorrow since we got the initial earth-shaking phone call from Arizona. Two days later, we got a second call of confirmation. And, by the end of the week, we had mentally closed the book on it. Even typing those words, it seems to me that it could sound calloused or cold but, to us, it’s the only way we can approach it. I find myself still praying for Tiffany and the little baby, wherever he may be, but we want the fulfillment of God’s plan in our lives, not just the situation that makes things the easiest (though, we would take both!).
So, we climbed up off the mat and called both agencies that we have had regular contact with (our home study agency in Nashville, and this placing agency in Phoenix) and told them that we were ready to be considered to be matched once again. And within a day we had an email from the Phoenix agency with a list of birth mothers that had yet to be matched to start the process all over.
Even though the rate of roller coaster catastrophes around the world are relatively minuscule compared to the number of folks that ride them each year, there are many that can’t handle them. I was the same way when I was little, but sometime in my teens decided to embrace them, and now will ride just about anything. Jaclyn is the same way – I have never seen her shy away from one. Kara is relatively brave about most things in life, so she said ‘yes’ to riding one at Holiday World a couple of years ago to try her very first one. We didn’t do a whole lot of research on the Voyage, but turns out it is an old, wooden ride that jerks and rattles you around quite a bit. For a roller coaster veteran, its pretty fun, but you still leave it cracking your neck and readjusting your spine for a few minutes afterwards. For a first-time rider – it probably wasn’t the best idea. So, Kara went in smiling, thinking about she was finally old (or tall) enough to ride a real roller coaster. She came out several minutes later, still misty-eyed, clinging to Jaclyn’s arm, swearing off roller coasters for the rest of her life. And, while she still will try to ride them sometimes now, she gets on with the attitude of “how bad is this one going to be?”
One of those middle-tier, big hair, power ballad rock bands from the 1980s, Great White, turned out what was their only real hit with the song “Once Bitten, Twice Shy.” That phrase pretty much sums up how our approach has changed already. Before, we looked over some cursory details about birth mothers, made sure we didn’t see any red flags that we weren’t willing to deal with, and said “yes” probably in the neighborhood of thirty times before we finally matched with Tiffany in early March. But, after the last two months’ roller coaster, we have become a little. . . . careful. Looking through profiles, we make sure to check every column – does she have insurance, is this her first child, where is the birth father, what is the family’s attitude about her adoption, what color are her toenails painted, what was her Algebra grade in high school – you know, the basic facts.
So, our prayer is that we don’t miss the forest for inspecting the trees, so to speak. God has shown his faithfulness in the past couple of weeks. We didn’t wallow and flop around after the abrupt and uninformative end to the relationship with Tiffany, by His grace. We have already been shown that He will continue to take care of our financial difficulties through some awesome avenues we never imagined, if we will just wait on His timing. And, while our kids may not have completely understood what happened, they moved on pretty quickly as well. So, we are thankful that He really is both our Comforter and our Provider. But, now as we move back to square one, we want what His plan is for our lives and don’t want the pain of being bitten the first time cloud our judgment or our faithfulness going forward.
Thank you for all the calls, texts, and other messages from friends everywhere just letting us know that you are praying. God is in control, and we take great comfort in knowing that. (But, you can also mention to Him that knowing a little of how this story is going to end wouldn’t hurt our feelings at all.)
“For the vision is yet for the appointed time; it testifies about the end and will not lie. Though it delays, wait for it, since it will certainly come and not be late.” Habakkuk 2:3